When you have a toddler, bedtime can often feel like a battlefield. From where I come from, we call it “la hora loca” meaning the crazy hour. And it’s not only bedtime but all that comes with the night routine, like dinner, bath time, and bedtime. So, when the moment of going to bed comes, just when you think the day is finally winding down and there’s peace on the horizon, your toddler tantrums at bedtime strike.
These bedtime battles can be frustrating for both parents and children, but they are a normal part of toddler development. This blog post will explore why toddlers throw tantrums at bedtime, strategies to handle these meltdowns, and tips for establishing a peaceful bedtime routine.
Why Do Toddler Tantrums Happen at Bedtime?
Before we dive into strategies for managing bedtime tantrums, it’s essential to understand why they happen in the first place. Toddlers are at a developmental stage where they are becoming more independent, testing boundaries, and exploring their emotions. Bedtime can be challenging for them for several reasons:
#1 – Separation Anxiety
Many toddlers experience separation anxiety, which can intensify at bedtime. They might worry about being apart from their parents or caregivers, leading to resistance when it’s time to go to bed.
In my case, both of them have a little bit of separation anxiety, so what I do is stay with them for a little while and do a routine that both of us can enjoy.
For example: with my son, I light up a night light and stay in bed with him, play a little, ask him what his favorite part of the day was, then pray and then I tell him that when Alexa sounds, I’ll go downstairs to eat something with daddy. So, I put like 3 to 4 minutes of an Alexa timer and that’s it. He stays calm and satisfied in his bed
#2 – Overstimulation
Toddlers’ brains are wired to soak up information like sponges, and they can become overstimulated by the day’s activities, making it difficult for them to wind down.
This is why I think it’s very important for them to have a nap or quiet time. It can be an hour in the afternoon, when he is alone in his room, with a few toys (or not), or just lying down in his bed. This helps them calm down and be with themselves for a while.
#3 – Lack of Control
Toddlers are beginning to understand that they have preferences and desires, but they often lack the words and skills to communicate them effectively. This frustration can manifest as a tantrum.
#4 – FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)
This surely sounds very funny, but it’s true. Toddlers are curious by nature, and they may fear missing out on exciting activities or fun if they go to bed. This fear can lead to resistance and tantrums.
I know my son has FOMO when there are people at home. When I have my cousins over, for example, he just wants to be there and when bedtime comes, he doesn’t want to go. What I do is anticipate that he is going to bed like 10 times before taking him. I use Alexa again and her timer (Alexa has become one of my best friends hahaha)
#5 – Changes in Routine
Toddlers thrive on routines, and any disruptions to their usual bedtime routine can trigger tantrums. This includes changes in environment, caregivers, or bedtime rituals.
If you want to change something, do it little by little.
Strategies for Handling Toddler Tantrums at Bedtime
Now that I just give you the reasons why bedtime tantrums occur, let’s explore some effective strategies for handling them with patience and empathy:
#1 – Establish a Consistent Bedtime Routine
Create a predictable bedtime routine that includes calming activities such as reading a book, taking a warm bath, or cuddling. Consistency helps toddlers feel secure and signals that bedtime is approaching.
#2 – Set Clear Expectations
Communicate with your toddler about bedtime expectations. Use simple language to explain that it’s time to sleep and that everyone needs rest to feel good the next day.
#3 – Offer Choices
Give your toddler some control by offering limited choices, such as selecting which pajamas to wear, or which stuffed animal to sleep with. This can help them feel more in control of the situation. Always remember to give choices that lead to the thing you want them to do.
#4 – Create a Relaxing Environment
Ensure the bedroom is a comfortable and calming space. Dim the lights, maintain a comfortable temperature, and use white noise if needed to drown out background sounds.
#5 – Limit Screen Time
Avoid screens, such as TV or tablets, before bedtime, as they can overstimulate your toddler. Opt for quiet activities instead.
#6 – Validate Their Feelings
Acknowledge your toddler’s feelings and empathize with them. Say things like, “I understand that you don’t want to go to bed, but it’s time to sleep so we can have a great day tomorrow.”
#7 – Stay Calm
It’s crucial to remain calm during tantrums. Losing your temper can escalate the situation. Take deep breaths, and if necessary, step out of the room for a moment to compose yourself.
#8 – Be Patient
Remember that tantrums are a normal part of toddlerhood. It’s a phase that will pass. Be patient and persistent in maintaining the bedtime routine. Remember: Consistency and patience are key to success in parenthood.
#9 – Offer Comfort
If your toddler is upset, offer comfort and reassurance. Sometimes, a comforting hug or soothing words can help them settle down.
#10 – Avoid Power Struggles
Avoid getting into power struggles with your toddler. Instead of saying, “You have to go to bed,” try saying, “It’s bedtime; let’s go together.”
#11 – Use Positive Reinforcement
Praise and reward your toddler for positive bedtime behavior. Offer stickers, a special bedtime story, or a small treat for going to bed without a fuss.
#12 – Seek Professional Help if Necessary
If your toddler’s tantrums at bedtime persist and are causing significant distress for your child or family, consider seeking advice from a pediatrician or child psychologist.
Believe me, I know that toddler tantrums at bedtime can be challenging, but they are a normal part of their development. Understanding why these tantrums occur and implementing strategies to handle them with patience, consistency, and empathy can help create a more peaceful bedtime routine for both you and your child.
Remember that consistency, clear communication, and a nurturing environment are key to managing bedtime tantrums successfully. With time and patience, bedtime can become a more peaceful and enjoyable experience for your family.
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Hello, I'm Ana Cristina
This blog is meant to help new moms and dads start a more successful parenting life and answer most of the questions I’m sure you’ll have. You’re not alone. Hi, I’m Ana Cristina, mom of two: Maurizio & Isabella. We live in el calorcito de Miami and I’m sharing my great experience of being a SAHM to help you get through this wonderful (and sometimes chaotic, messy, and tired) journey.